LISTENING AND SUPPORTIVE COMMUNICATION
People have a general tendency to prefer the help of informal caregivers to formal helpers (Barker & Pistrang, 2002).

There is conflicting evidence of what "effective support" entails. Dunkel-Schetter and Wortman (1982) report that potential support providers believe that “patients should avoid thinking or talking about negative aspects of their situation and try to be as cheerful and optimistic as possible” (p. 82). Dakof and Taylor (1990) found, in general, victims of major life
stressors having been exposed to (a) inappropriate responses (e.g., minimization, criticizing), (b) individuals who fail to express concern, empathy or affection, and (c) avoidance from one or more network members including medical professionals. Similarly, Perrine (1993) reports a study that suggests potential support providers have a greater tendency to want to solve problems than to engage in supportive listening behaviors. In other words, informal help providers may avoid listening to the distressed other that may lead the distressed other to feel worse rather than better.

The two most “helpful” listening behaviors when interacting with the bereaved include 1) provide the opportunity to ventilate, and (2) presence (“being there”) (Lehman, Ellard, and Wortman, 1986).

Supporters who are effective listeners provide more direct eye contact, are receptive to disclosures, and ask more follow-up questions (Miller, Berg, & Archer, 1983).