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10 Poor Listening Habits
Nearly a half-century ago, Ralph Nichols and L.A. Stevens published Are You Listening?, one of the first books of its kind. . . an entire book devoted to listening skills! This 1957 book features a list of 10 poor listening habits, as exhibited by people in the mid-1900s. Amazingly (or not), these habits are still exhibited by many people today. Do you ever see yourself doing any of the following?
1. Calling the subject uninteresting
2. Criticizing the speaker &/or delivery
3. Getting over-stimulated
4. Listening only for facts (bottom line)
5. Not taking notes or outlining everything
6. Faking attention
7. Tolerating or creating distractions
8. Tuning out difficult material
9. Letting emotional words block the message
10. Wasting the time difference between speed of speech and speed of thought
-- Nichols, R. G. and L. A. Stevens (1957). Are you listening? New York,
McGraw-Hill.
Don't Interrupt!
by Richard Anstruther [richard@highgain.com]
Interrupting is the #1 sin of poor listeners. We hate it when someone interrupts us. So why do we interrupt others? Here are some insights on why we interrupt from the book Listening by Andrew Wolvin and Carolyn Gwynn-Coakley.
Why We Interrupt
intent on saying it.
- We want to control the interaction and be the focus of attention.
- We can't wait to make our point.
- We think we know what the speaker is going to say.
- We want to 'assist' the speaker by correcting the speaker or 'filling in' gaps in the speaker's information.
- Instead of listening, we are planning our next comment, and are
We want to cut the speaker short. Here's how to stop interrupting:
amount of unexpected information you'll get by waiting.
- Count to three after the speaker seems to be finished. Often, the speaker may take this as a cue to continue. You will be amazed at the
Concentrate on what the speaker is saying, and then speak when it is your turn. If someone interrupts you:
Remember the following responses from The Lost Art of Listening: How Learning to Listen Can Improve Relationships by Michael Nichols:
- Instead of getting upset, say: "I wasn't finished. Please hear me out."
- Don't lecture or attack. Instead say: "I wish you'd let me finish what I was saying." Or say: "I'm trying to tell you something important. When you start talking about something else, I feel you are not listening to what I have to say."
Sources
Listening by Andrew Wolvin and Carolyn Gwynn-Coakley, available at http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0697246647/qid=983879073/sr=1-5/ref=sc_b_5/internationallis/105-1805047-1297533
The Lost Art of Listening: How Learning to Listen Can Improve Relationships by Michael Nichols, available at http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1572301317/qid=983879154/sr=1-1/ref=sc_b_1/internationallis/105-1805047-1297533
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Updated September 20, 2004 Barbara B. Nixon, Interim Web Editor