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The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand
and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them.
History repeats itself because no one listens the first time. — Anonymous
Conversation: a vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath is called the listener. — Anonymous
"You know, it’s at times like this when I’m trapped in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse and about to die of asphyxiation in deep space that I really wish I’d listened to what my mother told me when I was young!" "Why, what did she tell you?" "I don’t know, I didn’t listen!" — Douglas Adams
My wife says I never listen to her. At least I think that’s what she said. — Anonymous
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.— Anonymous
It’s my job to talk and yours to listen, but please, let me know if you finish before I do. — Anonymous
Women like silent men. They think they’re listening. — Marcel Archard
To understand this important story, you have to understand how the telephone company works. Your telephone is connected to a local computer, which is in turn connected to a regional computer, which is in turn connected to a loudspeaker the size of a garbage truck on the lawn of Edna A. Bargewater of Lawrence, Kan. Whenever you talk on the phone, your local computer listens in. If it suspects you’re going to discuss an intimate topic, it notifies the computer above it, which listens in and decides whether to alert the one above it, until finally, if you really humiliate yourself, maybe break down in tears and tell your closest friend about a sordid incident from your past involving a seedy motel, a neighbor’s spouse, an entire religious order, a garden hose and six quarts of tapioca pudding, the top computer feeds your conversation into Edna’s loudspeaker, and she and her friends come out on the porch to listen and drink gin and laugh themselves silly. What Women Want: To be loved, to be listened to, to be desired, to be respected, to be needed, to be trusted, and sometimes, just to be held. What Men Want: Tickets for the world series.— Dave Barry
Bore, n.: A person who talks when you wish him to listen. — Ambrose Bierce
An actor’s a guy who if you ain’t talkin’ about him, ain’t listening. — Marlon Brando
It’s a rare person who wants to hear what he doesn’t want to hear. — Dick Cavett
I’ll defend to the death your right to say that, but I never said I’d listen to it! — Tom Galloway
The older I grow the more I listen to people who don’t talk much. — Germain G. Glien
The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously. — Hubert Humphrey
One advantage of talking to yourself is that you know at least somebody’s listening. — Franklin P. Jones
Just because I didn’t do what you told me, doesn’t mean I wasn’t listening to you! — Hank Ketcham (NOTE: This one is a favorite of the ILA Web Editor.)
The opposite of talking is not listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.— Fran Lebowitz
If you want to know how your girl will treat you after marriage, just listen to her talking to her little brother. — Sam Levenson
The difference between listening to a radio sermon and going to church. . . is almost like the difference between calling your girl on the phone and spending an evening with her. — Dwight L. Moody
Boredom is having to listen to someone talk about himself when I want to talk about me. — Tom Paciorek
An intellectual snob is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture and not think of The Lone Ranger. — Dan Rather
Congress is so strange. A man gets up to speak and says nothing, nobody listens and then everybody disagrees. — Will Rogers
Make sure you have finished speaking before your audience has finished listening. — Dorothy Sarnoff
Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen. — Homer Simpson
Isn’t it interesting that the same people who laugh at science fiction listen to weather forecasts and economists? — Kelvin Throop III
A good listener is a good talker with a sore throat. — Katharine Whitehorn
The true male has never yet walked
Who liked to listen when his mate talked. — Anna Wickhaur
My friend Bob is a radio DJ, and when he walks under a bridge, you can’t hear him talk. — Steven Wright
If you have additional quotations you would like to see added to this page, please e-mail them to the Web Editor.
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Updated 8/18/08
Web Editor, Joyce Chen
